What Did She Say?

Countless hours spent in restaurants, bars, listening rooms and music halls have made my life brighter on darkening days.  For me, music makes all of life’s skinned knees heal over and the pain drifts off into the wind. 

Musicians are unique even in the artistic realm. As I view things, all artists are “outside the box” thinkers for the most part. Amongst the artists, musicians are a level deeper than all of the rest. I can smell the fresh mown grass and spring flowers, but musicians can feel those things to their bones. They can write to our feelings and touch our souls with the simplest of thoughts. The melody comes to them as easily as walking, talking or breathing. Musicians are the lightest souls yet the heaviest. 

Once I was at a show at a wonderful place called Callaghan’s Irish Social Club. It is a restaurant famous for its bacon cheeseburgers and for its choice of musicians that perform there. A phenomenal young man I had met in Muscle Shoals, Alabama a few years earlier, was scheduled to sing at Callaghan’s for his first time. His name is Dylan LeBlanc.  I sat at a table in the back room hours before the show with Dylan and my son Eric and we enjoyed our bacon cheeseburgers while catching up. Eric lived in Muscle Shoals for 6 years and knows Dylan well.

Soon the place was filled with hungry people who were ready for a taste of great food and music to soothe their bodies and their souls. Callaghan’s and Dylan did not disappoint. 

Late in the evening, I went to the ladies room. There were several in line ahead of me and a lady nearby began to talk. She spoke to the person standing next to her and told of some very personal situations that had her upset. 

This lady was not skittish about blurting out intimate details of her once fabulous relationship that had recently fallen apart. She told about romantic, candle-lit dinners and hot sexy rendezvous. It was salacious; unlike any of the things I had heard over the years at late night bars when Eric’s band played. Normally those things were spewed from highly intoxicated people late in the night who no longer had inhibitions or thoughts of prudence. Yet, here I stood in a crowded space with dozens of people within arms length. I felt my face turning red and heating up as she spoke in such detail and used all the naughty words for female genitalia. By this time I could only stare straight ahead as I found myself embarrassed for some reason.

A great friend squeezed by to get into the back room in search of a place to sit. This room most assuredly had surpassed any fire code for maximum occupancy. Even though it felt like I was hugging 10 people without really actually hugging; my friend saw me and we embraced, as best we could in such a tight crowd. She said, "I'm tired as a big dog and I have to find a place to sit down." She asked if Eric was there and I said, “Yes”. 

One of the ladies in front of me said to the other, “OMG, that is Eric Erdman’s mother!” Then the “naughty talker” looked at me and smiled as she said, “Hello!” I smiled, nodded and said "Hey!"

No conversation shocks me anymore. In some ways I believe it is a good thing that people feel so free to discuss anything and everything. It is important to keep in mind that your words might make some people uncomfortable, so sizing up your audience would be a good idea but it is not a requirement.

I realize more and more each day that I am not like the typical person my age. I have many friends of all ages. I make a concerted effort not to judge people when they use bad language or do something silly. After all, who amongst us has not done silly things at one point.

When I was a young person, people were different. They appeared more reserved, mannerly and polite. But we were so restricted growing up that we could not even use the word “pregnant”. It had sexual connotations and was taboo. We had to say, “she is with child” or “she is in a family way”, occasionally a person would say "she is PG". We were judged by a much broader yardstick of rules and etiquette. 

There have been times in rowdy, raucous bars when the conversations reached the point that the F-word made its way into EVERY sentence for some people. It becomes a catchall word. It is a verb, a noun, and an adjective that is thrown about like snowballs in the winter in Alaska. Those are the conversations that make me briefly yearn for the old days of restriction. Yet I return to the reality that these people are mostly drunk, mostly young, and only a small percentage of the crowd.

Overall I find it freeing to be able to say whatever you want, as long as it is not intentionally hurtful. I also find it freeing to leave the area if you are uncomfortable with the conversation. (Of course, when you are in a line, with a real mission of getting into the restroom, you may not be able to leave the area, this requires putting on your big girl panties).

Wait, what did she say???