She had seen a lot over the years...

The story of Sue

There is a music venue (bar) on Dauphin Street in Mobile that was once called Southside, it has changed names numerous times; I don't know if it even functioning now. When my son, Eric played his very first real gig, it was at this location.

Years after his first gig, when he was still in college he played regular gigs at this venue on Thursday nights as a solo artist, doing cover songs. I went with him to enjoy his music but also in my mind at the time I was going to protect him if he needed it.

When we arrived at the place that night I noticed someone new behind the bar. The lady was up in age. To me she looked to be my mother’s age. Her skin was very wrinkled and leathery looking and her eyes looked like they had recessed back into her head, yet they were absolutely beautiful light blue. As I watched she lit one cigarette after another and when she spoke her voice was very deep and gravely. 

The bar owners had decided since Thursday nights “Drinking with Lincoln” program with Eric had been so successful, they wanted to try it also on Sunday to pick up their business. She was pulling the shift on Sunday at Southside for a little extra income and she was off from her regular job. I never knew they had a coffee pot at this place until that night. She cranked up a pot of coffee and our conversation began.

She told me that she had been in bars all of her adult life, it was where she felt at home. Even though her voice and appearance were gruff, I felt a kindness and even sweetness about this woman. I listened closely as she spoke of the things she had seen while working in a bar her entire life. I am sure there could have been a great book made from the pieces poured out for me that night. As I sipped that first cup of coffee, this lady, named Sue, talked. It was as if we were lifetime friends; we felt comfortable right there in a loud and rowdy college bar.

That night Sue wanted to talk about the youth of today. I was very new to the bar scene and eager to hear her words. I found it difficult to concentrate as her cigarette had burned right down to the end and I feared she would scorch her fingers. She put the little nub in a nearby ashtray and immediately lit another as she began her story. Sue said “Kids are different today than when I was young.” 

I drifted off in my mind as I realized how true those words were to me. She continued on with her story of some of the more ruckus kids that she has known over the years. "Most of the kids I see out have never had anyone try to teach them what to do or not to do." She said “I never had nobody to tell me right from wrong, I had to learn it the hard way.” I watched her as she seemed to tear up for a moment. She regained her composure and continued.

“So many of these kids are in the same situation, nobody ever told them NO or taught them manners” she said as she poured us both another cup of coffee. She told of the neighborhood bar where she had worked for 30 years. It was clean (unlike Southside) and the patrons were more upscale. “These college kids come in there with their parents’ credit cards and drink way too much.” In some cases she told me the parents actually dropped them off and picked them up at the end of the evening. 

This particular night she wanted to speak of one particular young man she met at her bar.

This young man was from an affluent family. His father was a physician and his grandfather was a physician, both were involved in the community. From her perspective the father and grandfather had little time to spend with this young man. I will call him Joseph for the story. Joseph would come in almost every evening. He would have daddy’s credit card in hand as he walked through the doors. Every single time he came into this bar where Sue worked, she knew he would be drunk within a few hours. Joseph talked about his life of opulence and privilege. He told her of all the wonderful things they owned and the homes they had here, in Key West, Florida and even one in Europe. He spoke of the magnificent vacations they had taken as he grew up. Yet, poor Joseph was an empty soul. His parents were so busy with their careers and their social involvement that he was always a secondary thought for them. I know you may think,”Boo-Hoo, poor little rich kid”. But it is accurate, my heart is saying just that;  not in a mean way, but a sincere one. 

Oftentimes when a child takes the wrong path, their wealthy parents may say, “We gave him everything, so why is he this way?”  Sue added, "In many of these cases, I say no, you gave him material things, he needed your time, your attention and your love." 

I came to know Joseph over the years as he began to come to many of my son’s shows. He was small in stature and had poor posture, hardly ever looking you in the eye. Joseph seemed to love the music and he would spin around in circles to the beat of the music for hours. He reminded me of the 60s when the flower children or hippies danced in circles as though they were oblivious to things going on around them. Many times when I saw him he was not only drunk but also high. Eventually others in the crowd who knew him better than I would use the term “burned out” when talking about poor Joseph. 

More than once I was told that he went to rehab to try and “get rid of” his addiction. But the way I see it,  if the circumstances in his life remain the same there is little chance of rehab being successful.

Only once did I have a chance to talk to Joseph. It was early in the night and he was still lucid. I asked him how he was doing and he seemed surprised by the question. He said "Things are going well, I guess." I asked him about school and his future plans. As he appeared to be uncomfortable, he said "The future is not something that interests me."
I said, "Joseph what do you really really want in life?" "What makes you happy?"

He answered, “you know Ms. Juanita, I want nothing, and I have nothing.” 

I hugged him and told him he could be anything he wants to be, it is up to him now and no one else. I sensed that it was too late at this point to pull him from the clutches of his drug and alcohol life. The addiction had a grip on his head and heart that was very powerful.

I understand how this happened. And I will always remember the words of that old wrinkled bartender named Sue. She said “Those rich folks use their credit cards as a babysitter for their children then they are my problem to try and teach them something, which is near impossible.”

Joseph never pulled himself out of the hole he had dug. He had the potential and the means to become anything he wanted, yet he chose to become another statistic.

Sometimes the world is not as it appears. People party and dance and laugh in the bar. They seem like the happiest people on earth and many cases that could be true. Then there are those amongst the happy people who are pretenders and who seek happiness in a bottle but it eludes them.

NOTE: Many kids go wrong that have wonderful, involved parents, there is no real formula for keeping them headed in the right direction. Being a parent is not easy. To me the best advice is if you are a parent, be a steady constant, dependable source for them.

Sue may appear rough on the exterior but she was smooth and kind on the inside and she genuinely cared about these "kids" that frequented the bar where she worked.

I'd like a better Look...

Boots or Boobs?

I was recently at a Singer/Songwriter Music Festival watching my son and many other wonderful, local musicians. As is with all the shows, I meet new people, some quirky and odd, some hilarious and some who just come and go with little to remember them by.

I couldn’t help but notice an exceptionally attractive blonde who is one of the bartenders at this location where the event was being held. It seemed to me that the majority of the male customers were working hard to get her attention. She was very sweet and attentive to me as I sat and enjoyed all of the music of the evening. My diet coke never got below half full, she immediately grabbed it and refilled it. I am not sure if I drank 10 diet cokes or only half of 10, either way, it was too much diet coke drinking for the 5 or 6 hours that I was there.

There was a lady in attendance at this music festival who I had seen possibly 3 times before at shows over the years.  Yet, we had only spoken briefly and until now I did not know her name. She walked over to me and said, “My name is Cheryl, and I know you are Eric’s mom.” Then she added, remember about 2 and a half years ago, I was at one of Eric’s shows and then later that evening you, Eric, and your husband were eating at a restaurant in Daphne?” I came to your table and talked to you...remember???

With fingers crossed behind my back, I said “Oh sure, Cheryl, it’s nice to see you again”....... I sat there wracking my brain... trying to remember that evening. Then she said it. “I walked up and said, “Hey, I saw you play today for the first time, and you are good!”  Then your husband said, “I taught him everything he knows, so thank you!”  

She was near my age, but I am not certain of her exact age. She and her husband were enjoying the music and she stepped over to talk with me on numerous occasions that evening. They were sitting outside on a nice sofa on the patio, which is the smoking section. The doors to the patio were propped open so that the smoking section had full access to the music. 

She would come in and lean passed me to order their next drinks. Each time she spoke she was just a little bit more intoxicated as witnessed by her speech and movements. She was heavy set, with dishwater blonde hair, friendly and so funny with the way she expressed herself and the actual words she used as she told a story. It was unusual to hear THOSE words coming out of the mouth of a grandmother, or at least someone old enough to be a grandmother, yet I was not surprised.

Then this lady spoke of how we are both musician mothers, therefore we have so much in common. 

I asked her which musician was her son or daughter as the stage was filled with musicians and I knew most of them well, but I had not met all of their parents. Then she revealed her son was no longer a musician but was in the Murphy High School band about 20 years ago. 

Cheryl was jovial and enjoyable except for the strong smell of cigarettes that filled the air when she stepped in close. I’ve smelled worse things, so it was ok.

Cheryl then told me of an incident that happened moments earlier when she was conversing with one of the beautiful bartenders that worked at this venue. This particular bartender has shoulder-length blonde hair, a beautiful shape with large breasts and she was wearing knee high boots over her tightly stretched black tights. It was the same attractive blonde I spoke of earlier.

Cheryl absolutely loved those boots.  She told me that she said to the boot-wearing bartender, “I love those boots”. The bartender smiled and nodded. Then Cheryl said, “I would love to get a better look at them”. At that point the bartender said, “Well, I am very busy right now, but I will meet you in the bathroom in a couple of minutes.”

Cheryl told me that she reasoned maybe the lighting was better in the bathroom, and that is why she chose such a place to show them. She finished her drink and then headed into the ladies room. Shortly afterwards, the beautiful blonde bartender came in and immediately began removing her blouse...Cheryl said, “Whooaa! What are you doing?” The blonde stood there with one of her beautiful very large breasts in her hand, and she seemed puzzled. “You wanted a better look at my boobs, right?”

Cheryl said I was so surprised and amazed that she was so willing to show them too me and I must say they were the most gorgeous boobs I have ever seen...so all I could do was utter these words....”Impressive, Thank you very much!”

Not fully hearing what someone is saying in a crowded, noisy restaurant/bar is inevitable. But the fact that this young lady was so accommodating that she was willing to pull out her boobs for a stranger to get a better look, was surprising to me.

I do want to add that this beautiful blonde bartender is very sweet and pleasant. She works constantly, every time that I am there at a show or festival at this upscale restaurant/bar where she is an employee.  I consider her to be a nice person, who is proud of what God and surgery has given her.

I have heard that when a lady has breast augmentation surgery, they are pretty proud to show them to anyone who will take a look. This was an affirmation to that fact. 

When I named my blog series, “inhibitions and dodo birds are now extinct”, cases like this were what I had in mind. There are no inhibitions, there’s no embarrassment or shame in today’s society. Most young women seem very proud of what they have and seem to want to place it all on display. Not judging...just observing.

Party at the beach

My spring break experience ...was i getting bumped at 50 years old....

My son’s band played often at a place in Panama City Beach called Spinnaker’s. We could always count on a big crowd of young adults who were ready to party and enjoy the night.

I liked the venue because it was an open-air type of complex. There were restaurant areas that were fully enclosed and ones that were open air The stage was a large, covered and featured a lower floor for the audience similar to a pit. There were lots of bikini clad girls and shorts or swimsuit clad guys who came there ready to party after baking in the sun all day. Many young people came who wore shirts that bore the name of their schools, I remember seeing ones from Purdue, Ohio State, and West Lafayette. All were there to have as much fun as possible.

This was a place that we had been to many times before and we stayed at a condo that was conveniently located right next door.

As the time approached for the show to begin, I sat with my son and the members of the opening band for the evening. This band is from Austin, Texas and they are a wonderful group of young men. They all have nicknames, as a matter of fact, I do not know them by any other names. They looked similar to pirates from some place like Jamaica. They have ivy league educations and they share a home in Austin, Texas. Yet, like many bands, they were  on the road more than at home.

I remember the band members named Bone Saw, Hoag, and Smell. These guys are most unusual, they are very talented and absolutely the salt of the earth good guys. It only takes a minute in their presence to know they have a zest for life.

I enjoyed my conversation with them that night when we first met. I have seen them many times since and even went to a house party at their home in Austin a couple of years ago, that featured my son Eric. If you ever get a chance to check them out, the band name is Full Service and their music is fabulous. I promise you that you will be an immediate fan.

I found myself right in the midst of the crowd near the edge of the stage when the show began. Everyone enjoyed the opening band, Full Service; and then my son’s band (The Ugli Stick) started with one of my favorite songs. The night was perfection as I was so moved by the music and the surroundings and these glorious times of my life.

The place got full, then over full and I stepped a little closer to the stage to feel more comfortable and to capture a little bit of personal space. The space filled quickly and I adjusted to the fact that I would be bumped and elbowed a bit as the crowd danced and swayed and had fun. 

I began feeling a bumping straight behind me and I ignored it because I knew people could not help but bump one another when the place is that full. 

Moments after the heaviest bumping started, I noticed my son looking down at me from the stage as he sang, and he had a distraught look on his face. Then I looked over at my cousin who was right next to me in the crowd. She pointed directly behind me and I quickly looked around to see a young man humping right up against me. It was not bumping I had been feeling but HUMPING! When I turned and looked him in the face he seemed very embarrassed to see I was older than his mother. He ducked his head and moved off into the crowd.

I realize he meant no disrespect to me personally and I am ok. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but I placed myself there in the crowd and things like that are going to happen.

In conclusion, I will never forget being “humped” in a huge crowd of partying spring breakers, when I thought I was just being “bumped” and there is in fact a huge difference in the two.

Drinking is fine, even Jesus drank wine...

Drinking to the point where you are endangering yourself...is risky business

It was a late night gig on Dauphin Street in Mobile, Alabama with my son Eric. He was playing a duo with Josh Ewing, a great musician.

It was about 1:00am when a young beautiful lady asked to sit at my table. I welcomed her and assessed her as she took a seat. She was clearly intoxicated to the point that she slurred her words; she lacked focus and seemed to have little awareness of her surroundings. I asked her right away if she had driven herself that night. She nodded. While I think she nodded in answer to my question, it was possible she was just nodding off in her stupor. I then told her that she was in no condition to be driving. She said not to worry, she could not remember where she had left her car anyway and her roommate was coming to get her shortly.

There was a relief for me when I realized she would not become a safety hazard on the road, to herself and others. For the sake of the story I will call her Jessa. I watched as Jessa picked up the drink that was left on the table by another young lady who had left moments earlier.  The lady who departed left over half of a glass of draft beer. Jessa began drinking this discarded beer as though it was hers all along. Then she spied three other drinks, one mixed drink and two beers that were placed on my table by those who were dancing on the nearby dance floor. She poured all of them into her glass as soon as she completed the initial beer. She began drinking this new scavenged concoction of other people's drinks as well. I feared she may get alcohol poisoning as she continued to continued to slip deeper into this far away place.

Her eyes were drooping and her lips could not stay tight enough against the glass as liquor dripped onto the table when she drank. She tried to say some kind words about how nice I was to allow her to share my table and she spoke with great difficulty. All I could think of was, why would you do this to yourself. An exceptionally beautiful young woman, who had become so vulnerable as I watched her for more than an hour. She was continuing to drink, continuing to go downhill while waiting for her roommate to get off work and pick her up. I feel certain that Jessa is a good member of society and works well with others during the day.  What she chooses to do with herself is absolutely none of my business, I am concerned only for her health and safety, yet I understand that I have little or no control over those things.

I remember her words, “I don’t usually get this drunk, but it is my birthday!” I smiled and said, “Well Happy Birthday to you.” I have heard these strange reasons over the years as young adults get so wasted and risk their own lives in the name of “Its my birthday, or “its our anniversary”, or “my grandmother died so I had to get wasted!”

I have had many birthdays, and family deaths but never felt it was my obligation to get drunk as a result. I understand celebrating joyous events in life and mourning tragedy and loss; it just escapes me as I try to understand the need to get to the point where you are absolutely unable to stand without assistance or unable to talk with clarity. If a person chooses to do that, it is their choice, but I recommend they have a sober partner to look after them. I especially feel that females can be more vulnerable to predators and therefore need someone who will have their back at all times.

A couple of weeks later I was at a show where my son was performing in Daphne, Alabama. I looked up to see Jessa and it appeared that she was intoxicated. About an hour after I first saw her, she walked over to the booth where I was sitting with a couple of girlfriends. She said, through her foggy haze, “Hi, Ms. Juanita, I went to the beach today and there is something about the sunshine and drinking that makes a person get drunk much faster.” She explained to me that it is a known fact that the sun rays beaming down on you, as you drink, makes the alcohol go to your head quicker.  I do not know if that is a scientific fact but she did not need to explain herself to me, it is her life and her choice. I absolutely have no problem with anyone who enjoys a few drinks; even if they drink to oblivion, it is not my business. I just worry for their safety...not judging just expressing concern.

Last night I was at a music festival. My son’s band was performing and it was a huge crowd. There were so many people there that I began to feel claustrophobic at times. Still, the music was so good and the crowd was so appreciative. Late in the evening around 10pm, as the final band was playing, I found myself standing at the edge of the stage in this massive crowd and someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was Jessa, the young woman who had given me cause for alarm as I observed her condition on previous occasions. 

She said, “Hey, do you remember me?” I smiled and assured her that I did. Then we both turned our attention back to the stage and the wonderful music that was taking place. I caught myself glancing at her as I was certain she was very drunk. She was still drinking though she was  already way passed the point where she should have called it a night.

As the song ended and the applause exploded, she leaned over, and whispered to me, “I know I am drunk but I couldn’t help it, its my birthday”. I said, “I thought those only came once a year”. She replied, “Thank you”. I smiled and patted her on the back. 

She is so beautiful and does not realize the risk she is taking with her health and the risk of leaving herself vulnerable to any depraved monster who may be lurking in the crowd, just looking for someone like her. In addition to that, she is hastening the aging process that will jump right up and steal that beauty from her sooner than it should.

Often the activity in the audience can be equally as intriguing as the stage performance, yet I smiled and turned back to the stage.

I find myself wondering what responsibility I have to protect and watch over these young people in the crowd. My motherly instincts are screaming for me to help, yet I know they are adults, free to make their own choices. I can offer my advice, ...ie..."Always have someone with you who is sober and will see that you are ok." Yet, I must admit that I am powerless to stop or control what they do. I have learned to turn off the screaming in my head to help those who have become helpless.

I do want to say that this young woman, Jessa, has never acted vulgar or dressed vulgar or been anything but sweet and kind to me. She has a loving, kind spirit.

I am by no means trying to disparage anyone. I am just an observer and sometimes a concerned observer. I only wish the best for my young, currently beautiful, friend, Jessa. 
Its your birthday ...again?

Juanita Smith
Music Mom