Sometimes we just need to...

 Let it go

Was it a costume or was he a farmer who just finished plowing the field? 

He walked into the bar just after the music began;  I had seen him before many times and he always gave me an uneasy feeling. He seemed very popular with the boisterous crowd that frequented this bar. Dressed in old-time bib overalls, he made me think of my great Uncle Elijah from mom’s home town in Winfield, Alabama. The bib of this guy’s overalls had little pockets that were visibly full  early in the night and by the end of the evening, those once puffed out pockets would be laying flat and empty against his chest. It took several weeks of watching the interactions between the overalls man and the kids at the bar to make my thoughts go to a dark place of thinking there was something unusual happening. 

Months passed and as I enjoyed the music and the shows, I also enjoyed the kids and their jubilance and desire to just have fun. I still felt a little bit of darkness enter along with this man each time I noticed he was there. I hoped I was wrong in how I felt back then. I hoped he was innocent and his pockets were filled with peppermint candy that he dispersed throughout the crowd those nights. Yet I remember frequent visits he made out to the back patio with one after another for brief periods of time. I told myself it was none of my business and I knew that most of the crowd was there to dance, sing and be entertained for a few hours; there was nothing mysterious about that.

One night I was there early and the manager/bartender made a pot of coffee so that we could visit a little and catch up on the happenings in our lives over a fresh brewed cup before the craziness of a noisy crowd cranked into high gear. We drank that coffee and talked like friends that had spent a lifetime together. I learned so much about this lady who was older than me and had spent her entire adult life in bars. She had been a bartender since before she was legally old enough to drink alcohol, and she remained in this same work for more than 45 years. This location was a second job for her, the main bar where she worked full-time  was located in west Mobile, a few miles from Springhill College. So she was very familiar with college kids and their behavior when they are out partying.

The coffee time ended and the crowd poured into Southside Music Hall. I waved and smiled toward her from time to time throughout the night. She stayed busy but somehow seemed more anchored knowing I was there. 

Hours into the night I looked up to see the overalls guy walking towards me and I felt a little uneasy. I had no plans to mention to him or anyone else that I suspected he was possibly "up to no good" as my grandma used to say. Yet, in my heart and mind the certainty grew each time I observed him mingling in the crowd. Seconds passed and he was standing right there next to me, he reached out for my coffee cup and asked if I would like a refill. I thanked him but declined. He stood there awkwardly and I sat there just as awkwardly, not sure what the next move would be. He smiled and said he had seen me here several times and just wanted to say “Hello”. We spoke about nothing in particular, and he seemed to be a nice guy. I felt like he was testing the waters to see what I thought of him. Drama and true knowledge of anything illegal going on were the farthest  from anything I wanted. Our brief conversation ended and he walked off into the crowd. I still saw him several times over the next year but not as often.

It is very possible even probable that it was all innocent and the overalls guy was just a likable, carefree man who loved the crowds and the kids just like me. I don’t know why I had these eerie feelings about him and it is unfair to judge him, yet I sure had those thoughts way back then.

One night when the band began playing one of my favorite songs, “Jenny Says”. I began to sing along to the top of my voice and returned my mind to only thoughts of why I was there. After all, the music was my driving force, supporting my son was my reason to be there.

We are all different, we dress different, we act different, we think different and the world can get all out of shape if we assume the worst about each other…. those thoughts filled my mind as I shouted the chorus. “Let it go, Let it go. Let it go!”…That was exactly what I did at that moment, I let it go!